Friday, May 26, 2017

flrknight: This resonates so strongly with me. In the past and...



flrknight:

This resonates so strongly with me. In the past and I would have judgements about this image. I’d dismiss it as being ‘only for single people’ or a ‘manifesto for loneliness’. But now I look it and see the potent advice for couples. You have to be happy in yourself to be happy in a marriage. As a man with strong submissive tendencies, I tried to keep that from my Wife. It made me less content, and that had an impact on our marriage.
In pursuing a goal that fulfills me, I have discovered my Wife in a totally new light, and my love for Her has never been stronger. State your desires clearly and see what happens. Being submissive doesn’t mean being passive.

Beautifully written. The truth in these words could consume me.

I’ve been on a journey all my life to try and find who I am, where I fit. But recently I’ve come to a new understanding that all this time, I’ve only been on half the right track and that’s what has stalled me.

I have come to know who I am, but still have found myself feeling empty and then found myself pushing harder on that journey thinking I must be on the erin track because happiness was still so elusive.

Who am I then?

I am deeply submissive. My heart yearns to be loved in this way: through service, through giving, through acceptance.

I am a feminine personality. I am a man, physically. I present myself to the world as a man. And I am comfortable with that for the most part. However, I am drawn to the softer things in life. My favorite color is pink. I love the way my body feels in panties. I adore the pretty things in life and I desire to be able to express that femininity to the world. I’m not effeminate though I am a very feminine man.

I am genderfluid, as I’ve come to understand the term. That label may fluctuate as I learn more. I am a demigirl. My body is male. My personality is female. I present myself to the world as a man. I present myself to myself as a woman. It’s very confusing and I still have quite a bit to work out, but this is how I find myself experiencing gender.

I am bisexual. I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I am sexually attracted to trans people. Perhaps that makes me something other than bisexual. I still am learning about these terms. Sexually, I’m attracted to women more than men, yet I fantasize about cock more than pussy. I am me.

I am heteroemotionally flexible. I may have just made up that term as I’ve not actually seen it, but it’s the best way to describe myself. Emotionally, I am dominantly heteroemotional. I am emotionally attracted predominantly to women, including trans women. They’ve a depth of courage and self awareness that I long to discover in myself. I don’t usually find myself attracted to men that way though there have been a few. This is where the flexible part of the label comes in. And there are fantasies that someday my prince will come. Often this is a literal fantasy. I think it’s born only to some degree out of a desire to be with a man emotionally and more to a degree of a man being the standard of acceptance for a woman. The girl inside me, so to speak, longs to be emotionally validated by the genuine love of her biological opposite. But often times I want nothing more than for that prince to me my own wife. My fairytale ends with being loved and nurtured and fully accepted by this amazing bicurious tomboy woman that I share my life with.

And that brings me to a half way point in my journey. I know who I am. I’ve come to discover that’s only a portion of the journey to happiness. The much more daunting task is to accept who I am and find the courage to be that person in a very scary world. To stop worrying, “what will people think”. To accept that how I feel is so much more important than than what others think, is the big hurdle ahead of me.

There is a tension between who I am and who I really am. And it has destroyed my self esteem over a lifetime of shame and guilt and loneliness. Knowing my next step, however, is my sunshine. I know what’s next in my journey. And there is very much a comfort in that. I simply need to be the person who makes me happy.


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