February 11, 2017 • Love, Walls, and Empathy I’ve been told recently that I come across to others at work as lacking empathy. I apparently have come across to more than one someone as missing the ability to feel what others feel. I’m supposed to work on that. The problem isn’t that I don’t feel. The problem is I feel too much. I love too much. I care too much. So much feeling wants to pour out from me but unrequited love is a form of rejection that is a bitter pill to swallow, especially when rejection issues hang over your childhood years like a dark thick cloud threatening to close in on you at any moment. I feel everything. Too much. So much, that survival means walls built around me to keep it out. The same walls keep me in, I suppose. And so it isn’t surprising that people don’t understand me. Only those who take the time to build the trust to get past my walls ever really get to know me. It’s a sad and lonely place here imprisoned in this fortress of solitude. Here though, I am safe from feeling the rejection of love not returned. Self imposed isolation is keen trick to play on the mind to fake control of rejection. A self fulfilling prophecy perhaps, but at my hand and no others.
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