Monday, July 25, 2016

7/25/2016 • Secrets and Dreams (Lynn)

July 25, 2016 • Posted from home

Though she will never see it, a secret letter to my sister in law:

Lynn,

Last night, I dreamt about you. I dreamt about us. We were alone together, talking. It was evening and we sat outside on a bench in a park. I came into the dream in the middle of this conversation. We'd been talking for some time, and as I came into it, we were talking about secrets. You let a secret slip that you have feelings for someone else, but you wouldn't say who. You were concerned that you'd let it slip at all because your husband would never be ok with it. He would flip out even at the thought of you having an innocent crush on another man, let alone the genuine emotions you felt for this one. You told me that sometimes when you kiss your husband or when he has sex with you, you think about this other man, imagine it was his lips and his body against yours.

You suggested that you could tell me a different secret and maybe I could be kind enough to forget the first one? I told you that I would very much love to know all of your secrets and admitted it isn't easy to forget anything I learn about you. You're my wife's sister, after all. But I promised to keep your secret safe.

You replied well maybe it would be fair then if you knew one of my secrets and then we could trust each other never to tell them. That sounded fair to me. I really want to tell you my secrets so I was very much open to this game. I want you to know more about be. You asked me what me deepest secret was.

I told you there are several. I told you about the time your sister and I experimented with me in panties. You giggled and could not believe it. You said that was something you wish you could have seen. I teased back that nothing is stopping that except you, if you were really interested. You blushed and bit your bottom lip a little and told me the offer was tempting. You asked me what else. I almost told you that I am bisexual and have had experiences with other men, but that is truly one of my deepest secrets and I wasn't quite ready to blurt it out to you but thought maybe I'll tell you something else first to work up to it. So I told you about my open marriage with your sister and how she's encouraged me to date other women, but that one woman was off the table and that just made me want her more. You asked who the woman was and I took your hand and leaned forward and said, "she doesn't really like that I have feelings for her sister". That took a moment to register but your smile was worth giving you every secret I have. You asked me if I was serious and I told you I've had a serious crush on you for years and that it's well more than a crush now. I told you I'm on a constant brink of seriously falling for you.

You asked me how your sister knew any of this and I told you that we don't have secrets anymore. We tell each other everything whether it's good or bad. And that she understands I can't control the emotions. You told me you and your husband have a lot of secrets and that you were jealous of that. You wish you had that kind of relationship with a man where there were no secrets. I teased that I would be happy to share all of my secrets with you and you could share all of yours with me.

You told me you really liked that idea and suggested that maybe you could tell me one more, if I wanted to know another. Of course I did. And with that, you leaned in and whispered in my ear, "the fantasy man I told you I had feelings for earlier.... it's you". And my smile was as worth as much to you as yours was to me. You looked in my eyes and I felt like it was the first time we really saw each other and I knew what you were telling me was the truth.

You swung your leg over me and say on my lap, facing me, your hands stroked my face, your fingers played with my beard along my jaw line. And you said, maybe we could have just one secret of our own and you leaned in and I leaned in and we kissed. And we kissed. And we laughed. And we kissed. I was so happy and so were you.

And then I woke up and I looked around the room and I was alone. And I missed you. And I said your name out loud just to hear the word. It only made me want you more. And now I'm sitting here wishing any of this could be true and missing you desperately. I pulled up your pictures on Facebook just so I could look at your face again and it's equal parts comfort and torment. Although it was a dream, it's a memory I'll never forget. The night we opened up. The night we started secrets of our own.

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