Tuesday, January 19, 2016

1/18/2016 • Get Hard Movie Night (Erin, Hank, Rob)

Get Hard • 1/18/2016 • SCB•B9-7

Tonight, we rented Get Hard on DVD from Red Box. We thought it was hilarious and were shocked at some of the content even with the R-rating.

I have to admit I was blushing a bit during one scene and felt more than a little self conscious watching it with my wife. The scene was when Ferrell's character was in the public restroom stall at the gay cruising spot. I told my wife in 2010 that I had met a guy (Hank) on an Internet cruising website in 2002. He was also married, a swinger whose wife was supportive of his interest in men. I was so jealous of that. We met outside his office on the other side of town for the purpose of sucking each other off. He sucked me first... It was the first time I had ever been deep throated. I got on my knees to suck him. He was very nervous. His boss had stayed later than expected and was still inside the office. He had trouble staying hard, despite my considerable effort to return the pleasure he'd given me and eventually we gave up. I felt tremendously guilty for cheating on my wife and he was sweaty and honestly didn't taste as great as I remembered cock tasting, so I wasn't terribly upset that he couldn't finish, but I was disappointed. Eight years later, I told my wife all about the experience, in tremendous detail. And she told me that she tired to fuck her former neighbor (Rob) in his garage with her panties in his pocket 8 months after we married, after a wedding she and I attended for a family member. Ironically, he had trouble getting hard too. She assumes he might have realized she was married and felt guilty or was just too nervous, but they had sex several times before we married before and even while she and I dated (I was a aware).

So here I was tonight, watching Ferrell's character on his knees in a bathroom stall with a guy who was cruising for sex. 

Ferrell had a soft dick in front of him and as he leaned closer and closer, I could only imagine her thinking about the time I did it. And I was blushing. But she never looked at me. She was laughing so hard at the exchange. I was laughing too, but remembering. And even while I was feeling more than slightly embarrassed, I also was very much wishing I could do it again. I should do it again. She has given me permission, but has wavered on whether or not she wants to know about it if I do. I do want to. At the end of the day though, it was a bit of a turn on to watch it with her. In a way, I felt like she got a picture of what I did back then. And the tinge of humiliation (though I've nothing to be ashamed of except of course the infidelitous piece of it) was actually strangely heartwarming to me: I liked it. A lot. And at the end of it, I felt just a little better about my interest in men. That's how it's been over the years: chipping away in small bits, little by little, at the guilt I had learned to feel over it growing up. And more and more, I'm becoming more confident in who I am. And that's it's perfectly ok to be myself.

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