Wednesday, December 16, 2015

12/16/2015 Reclaiming Her (Erin, EnR, Rob)

December 16, 2015 • Reclaiming Her

Part of the appeal of the cuckolding lifestyle seems to include the concept of going through the process of reclaiming your wife after she's been sexual and intimate with another man. Having her choose to come home to you after experiencing another man inside of her and just being able to hold her again and clean up her pussy her other man had access to and if you've been good, fucking her after she's done with him. It's like falling in love again. Sometimes people leave and they don't come home. With BPD, that's a constant fear. Rejection and the fear of it is at the heart of my every moment. So the idea of her coming back is a healing thought and it could also I think be part of a healing process... Facing these recurring, possibly daily potential rejections and always finding she comes home. And though it doesn't make complete sense because I would be an emotional mess, which I've also put her through myself though she was completely on board and encouraging with the arrangement of me dating other women for a few years, I find it very appealing. There's part of me that wants it. I think because it validates the part of me that I feel she never has been able to love. It makes that part of me have a place with her. It makes that part of me not alone. And that is something I very much need. For her to love me enough to love someone else and still come home to me. It's a terrifying delicious agony.

The concept of making her mine again. That's what speaks to me. Because I've lived it for two decades. Not sexually. Sexually might be easier. No, I have lived it every day for twenty years emotionally. As I have loved my wife and put her on a pedestal and given her everything I am. I've given her my very soul. While she has loved me too but for so long was never "in love" with me. I was her best friend while her heart pined for a lost love that was never to be. His name is Rob. He was her neighbor. He used her for sex while she hoped for more. She went through with him exactly what I go through with her. And I find it strangely soothing to know someone close to me has experienced the same agony and same the heartbreak and the same hopefulness and the same dreams that I have. We've wished on all the same stars. Prayed all the same prayers. Hoped all the same hopes. She has since fallen in love with me. We are ok. I don't blame her for loving him. You cannot control the heart. I've not been perfect either. I've loved others too along the way. Just no one as much as her. But I've had a second love just as I am her second love. It's life. And I wouldn't give up one second of what we've gone through to get us here. If I could go back, I'd give her all of me again. 

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