Sunday, April 19, 2015

04/19/2015 • Breaking Down Sexual Attraction to Men

April 19, 2015 • Posted from home

It is rare that I find a man sexually attractive as a whole person... beyond a cock or a sexy ass or even a nice body. This man is attractive to me. 

I'm trying to understand why it is that I can find a man's body or body parts to be such a sexual turn on but then disconnect when it comes to the thought of it being a person that these things are attached to. I know... that sounds horrible. I'm sure there is some connection to my childhood guilt and shame for being sexually active with male friends and family members from a very young age. I'm not sure why but there is a part of me that feels like there is some good there that I can't quite recall. A suppressed memory? Abuse of some kind? I'm not sure but it leaves me with this disconnect. 

Don't shame me further. I know it's horrible to want a person's body but not be able to connect with the person. Which is why I'm giving thought to this. It's why I'm putting these thoughts to words on this blog. So I can work it out and figure out what the hell it is. If you are reading this and have a constructive idea, let me know. 

Maybe it's as simple as understanding I have a type? I don't know. 

This man is attractive to me. He is relatively fit so I imagine he takes care of himself. He is important to himself but not so much that it defines who he is. So apparently, relatively fit is a turn on, at least in this case. Overly muscled bodies and significantly overweight bodies do not seem to draw me in sexually, as I am neither, I can understand that. So just above average fitness = healthy and relatable. That makes sense. 

He is wearing glasses. My wife has always worn glasses. I've always found glasses on women to be attractive... nerdy... intelligent. Men with glasses appear distinguished and thoughtful and nerdy. Approachable in both scenarios. This has been the case even before I wore glasses myself but adding that in now, it also helps the man feel relatable and approachable. For a shy introvert, that's helpful. 

He has dark hair. If there is something I've ever "always" been attracted to in men it would be this. I know I'm totally contradicting the introduction here but there is something about dark hair. My wife has dark hair and I prefer brunette women. My fiancé before her was blond and so is her sister and I've had very strong feelings and attractions to both. So I'm open in that regard. But when I think of a man, fantasizing, he always has dark hair. Always. Every guy I have been sexual with (except my brother which was kind of its own thing) has had dark hair. My cousin, his friend, my best friend in high school. The neighbor boys in both sides of the double across the street, the guy I hooked up when I cheated on my wife... all dark hair.

I like the beard. I used to be really turned off by them. Overly long and I think I still am, but I like how his is shorter. It could be a little longer and I would still like it. It gives a sense of personal hygiene, the way he keeps it trimmed, and makes him appear strong and masculine and distinguished. He appears to be in control. Confident but not egotistical. I like that... that's really important.

Speaking of confidence, he is naked. In a public space. Holding his cock, about to pee. I never can find the confidence to pee next to another man unless there are dividers. Really weird since I put pictures of my cock all over my blogs, but oh God forbid if a strange man sees it while I pee? Weird. Scary. This is part of the elusive lost memory I think I am chasing. Maybe it's bullshit and there is nothing to chase, but it makes zero sense to me. I want men to see and appreciate my cock. But in that particular setting, I'm afraid to. This man is not. This man embodies a confidence that I long for. He would protect me. Interesting.

He has left on his shoes. I like that too. I have a thing for shoes (women's shoes really) but I like them on men. I find a man's naked feet to be intimidating for some reason. 

The angle. I like the angle the photo was taken from. He looks tall and protective and all he has to do is turn and walk that cock of his over to what would be just the right height for me to suck him. But he also looks like he wouldn't be threatening or pushy. He would understand I am shy and would be patient. He would lead and take charge in the scenario but at a pace that I could handle. 

He's cute. Can't define this one. I don't find most men cute. I find him to be cute. No idea. 

So putting all of this together, at least in this instance, I like a man with relatively fit but normal/average build, glasses, dark hair and a light beard, confident but non-threatening, who would be approachable, nerdy, thoughtful, intelligent, and dominant (not in a BDSM sort of way but in a have patience and take care of my needs as we go way).

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