Friday, May 10, 2013

05/10/2013 • Erin's Sexual Orientation?

May 10, 2013 • Posted from Seagrove Beach, FL

We are down on the Florida panhandle for a couple of weeks on vacation.

Erin and I have been talking a lot about our open marriage and polyamory and she was asking me a lot of questions about my sexual orientation and bisexuality. A lot of questions... probing questions about how I felt sexually and emotionally about other guys... if I could see myself in a relationship with another guy... if I thought I could fall in love with another guy... this was all sort of out of the blue. 

I thought she was having trouble with accepting it. Turns out, she is questioning her own sexual orientation. This was all mostly brought on by dreams she has been having where she has been both sexually and emotionally intimate with another woman. And she likes it. A lot. She's been looking at other women as we've been out and trying to see if she could feel any attraction or see herself in a relationship with them... just gauging her own reaction I guess.

She isn't sure if she is bisexual or lesbian (lesbian +1 as she put it) but it makes sense to her why she hasn't felt sexually attracted toward men her whole life. That's why she thought maybe she was asexual. She hasn't really felt that attraction so much for women either but she has told me over the years that she has felt drawn to specific women on occasion and that confused her. She has said a few times how we are good together intimately but we make amazing friends together. She gets more turned on by seeing naked women than men and used to sneak into her dad's stash of playboys when she was a kid. She is even considering getting a subscription of her own... I may surprise her with one. 

So she is trying to understand if she's bi or gay or if this is just a phase pr pregnancy hormones. All very unexpected.

I was elated last night when she told me. I felt like we could connect in an area that I've always felt alone on. And this morning I flipped to the other extreme as she started talking more gay than bi. So I'm a bit scared and worried and sad... though that certainly may make me a hypocrite to a degree. If she's bi... I'm all over that as I am too. But if she is lesbian (even +1 ... with me being the 1) I wonder what that means for our future. She's reassured me that she loves me and doesn't want to leave and that we are great together.

She is open to the idea of another woman in our relationship or a bisexual couple so we can explore how we both feel. She is also encouraging me to date a guy and see what happens. 

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