Monday, October 13, 2008

1987: Good Times and Bad (Masturbation and Guilt)

October 13, 2008 - Posted from home (Indiana)


The internet has made porn so accessible that it has almost taken away a lot of what made masturbation so fulfilling as a kid... maybe it's that you don't have to use your imagination so much these days or maybe it's just that I'm getting older.

Photo similar to what I used to masturbate to
I had this picture I had ripped out of a magazine somewhere... it was a model in a pair of blue jeans, bare foot, and topless. I folded it up and snuck it into the bathroom with me so many times to jack off to. I'd clean myself up with a wad of toilet paper and flush it all down the toilet.

Unfortunately, the world filled our heads back then with a good deal of garbage that ended up causing me so much confusion and heartache. I would be so horny that I could think of nothing all day but coming home and jacking off on the toilet with my pants down around my ankles and the unfolded topless model propped up on the toilet paper holder on the wall. 

Then after cumming came the enormous feelings of guilt. Thinking that what I had done was wrong, I'd promise to myself never to do it again and in a few days would be back where I was. I was sure at one point that I was going to hell for sure.

Sadly enough, that went on for a good year or more... eventually I resigned myself to give up trying to quit and eventually the guilt faded to a manageable level and soon enough was quiet enough that I learned to ignore it all together. I think a lot of boys probably deal with it. But eventually we learn.

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