Wednesday, January 1, 2003

2003: Erin's Latex Dildo / 1997: Polyamory / Childhood Bisexual Secrets

2003 - Posted from home (Indiana)
Just a little longer and thicker than me

Playing with Erin's latex dildo in my closet. This was one of the first toys we bought. It was the first realistic dildo... (not just a vibrator). I'm not sure where we bought it. I think it may have been from a adult video store or perhaps a novelty shop that sold sex toys like Adam & Eve.

Just having a little fun
We have others now and don't use this one much anymore. It's a few years old. I'd throw it out, but I'm a bit nostalgic for it since it was one of our first toys. Also, it's just hard to toss out something that has been inside of her pussy. Yeah - I have it bad for her lol

It would be fun to actually have a threesome with her. I'm not sure how I would feel about another man having sex with Erin, but she was having sex with me and her neighbor in 1997 just before we got engaged... possibly for a little while longer. I was never really jealous of the physical nature back then... I just wanted her to marry me. But I am a bit possessive of her and I guess you never know how you will feel until you are in that position. In any case, I don't think she would ever go for it. We've talked about it as a fantasy, but it's not for her.

I do wish I could tell her about the things I used to do with other guys growing up. I really don't think she would accept me if she knew I had experimented with other boys. It just seemed like a normal thing to us at the time. We didn't feel we were doing anything bad... but we did know enough to do it in secret I guess. I've talked to a lot of guys online and read a lot of things that say it's normal for kids to experiment as they get curious about their bodies and since most boys and girls only have other boys and girls available, it's common to be a same sex experience. Makes sense. 

Not quite the same
So why am I so afraid to tell her? I think I know why. I've love her my whole life and she hasn't always loved me. I gave her reasons not to love me when we dated in high school and I do think I was her second choice as a husband, but her first, her neighbor she had a crush on and was fucking at the time, didn't want more than sex. So I guess I'm afraid of giving her a reason to change her mind. Sometimes, it seems like I barely got her to begin with and I know, after our troubles in high school, I certainly didn't deserve the second chance I got. Still... it's hard having a secret and not being able to tell her. I'm just afraid she won't love me if she knows where "me" came from. And still, sometimes I do think it would be fun to have a friend to do some of those things with again.

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